Oh, God. . .

can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep. ugh. got an important meeting in the morning . . . need to prepare for it . . . but wanted to sleep first . . . can't sleep can't sleep can't sleep

. . .


Might as well look at my tarot reading from the other day. I discovered an online spot where you can get free readings on the Rider-Waite deck. This is a Celtic Cross spread. Typically, you enter the practice of a reading with a question in mind. In case you think I'm some crazy California hippie girl all of a sudden, since I'm talking about tarot, I should probably explain that I don't take tarot to be a source of literal psychic reading of the future, but rather a beneficial analytic tool for thinking metaphorically about one's life and journey in a broader sense. That said, though, I don't dismiss its mysticism entirely. I have to say, this reading resonated in quite compelling ways with what I was wondering about.

The Significator The Significator represents you and your current state of being.
	The King of Wands Passionate, a spry body and mind, honesty and friendliness.
The Crossing Card The Crossing Card denotes that which opposes or influences you.
	Seven of Cups Deception, an overactive imagination, and the illusion of success. Strengths are not consolidated to work as one.
The Foundation card The Foundation card addresses the origin of your question.
	Five of Pentacles Poverty and unemployment are possible. Possessions may be lost. A troubled soul is likely.
The Recent Past The Recent Past represents past events and concerns.
	The Hanged Man Reversed The card of false prophecy and time wasted. The reversed Hanged Man represents a preoccupation with the worldly and wasted energy.
The Crown The Crown addresses issues that are significant in the present or may come to pass in the future. This card foretells future events which you may or may not occur, depending upon how you respond to the present situation.
	The Six of Wands Reversed Success may be delayed. Be wary of accomplished enemies.
The Future The Future depicts that which lies ahead.
	Knight of Cups Reversed Scrutinize all ventures and deals carefully. Lies, laziness and underhandedness are possible.
Emotions Emotions card signifies the current state of your emotional self.
	Nine of Cups Reversed Unfulfilled wishes, bad health and deprivation are possible.
External Forces represents the influence of others in your life as well as trends in your relationships with others.
	Eight of Pentacles Reversed Possible failure. Vanity and underhandedness must be watched for. Skills may be misused.
Hopes and Desires Hopes and Desires stands for the hopes and desires you have for the outcome of your question.
	Seven of Swords Plans may fail. Distrust and dishonesty are possible. Success will not be complete.
The Outcome The Outcome the ultimate outcome your question. Remember the future is not predetermined. Interpret this card in the context of the entire reading and as an indicator of the path you are currently on, but not bound to. reading.
	The Lovers The drawing of two forces together, choices, temptations. The fight between the sacred and the secular. Accord of the inner and worldly self.

It's so silly! I absolutely LOVE to write! So why does it take me such an amazingly bloody fucking long time to get down to the business of actually doing it?

It was absolute torture getting started on my first Qualitative Methods paper. Absolute torture!! I was hiding under the desk, getting ready to scream, going around the house dusting while calling all my friends. But then, finally, finally, I picked up Ben Highmore's Everyday Life and Cultural Theory, a book I've had sitting on my shelf for-fucking-ever, and I read a bit, and it started the rusty wheels of thought. There was an interesting confluence in Highmore's using Sherlock Holmes as an example, since I'd just heard the editor of the recently published volume of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's correspondence talking on Diane Rehm a few days ago. And then Highmore led me to Weber, with some interesting thoughts about Marx and Kafka along the way, and Weber got me all excited about the stahlhartes Gehäuse and the subtleties of the new translation. And then she's off!

(from my Qual Methods paper)

In a particularly famous moment of The Protestant Ethic and the Spirit of Capitalism, Max Weber asserts that capitalism has fundamentally transformed the nature and degree of human autonomy. Eschewing previous translations referring to our 'iron cages', Peter Baehr and Gordon Wells render his words thus:

Today's capitalist economic order is a monstrous cosmos, into which the individual is born and which in practice is for him, at least as an individual, simply a given, an immutable shell, in which he is obliged to live. It forces on the individual, to the extent that he is caught up in the relationships of the 'market,' the norms of its economic activity. The manufacturer who consistently defies these norms will just as surely be forced out of business as the worker who cannot or will not conform will be thrown out of work" (Weber 2002 [1905]: 13).

Weber continues, . . .

"Puritans wanted to be men of the calling—we, on the other hand, must be. For when asceticism moved out of the monastic cells into working life, and began to dominate innerworldly morality, it helped to build that mighty cosmos of the modern economic order (which is bound to the technical and economic conditions of mechanical and machine production). Today this mighty cosmos determines, with overwhelming coercion, the style of life not only of those directly involved in business but of every individual who is born into this mechanism, and may well continue to do so until the day that the last ton of fossil fuel has been consumed.

"In Baxter's view, concern for outward possessions should sit lightly on the shoulders of his saints 'like a thin cloak which can be thrown off at any time' [312]. But fate decreed that the cloak should become a shell as hard as steel [stahlhartes Gehäuse]. As asceticism began to change the world and endeavored to exercise its influence over it, the outward goods of this world gained increasing and finally inescapable power over men, as never before in history. Today its spirit has fled from this shell—whether for all time, who knows?" (Weber 2002 [1905]:120-121) In a dystopic vision of a possible future, Weber suggests that, in the absence of "new prophets" or "powerful old ideas and ideals. . . reborn at the end of this monstrous development," we might become "specialists without spirit, hedonists without heart, . . . nonentities [who] imagine they have attained a stage of humankind [Menschentum] never before reached" (121).

I lapse into this lengthy quotation from the new translation of Weber because I find his metaphor to be highly relevant and useful for understanding many of the issues Ms. Grad Student Colleague raises about her experience as a graduate student being socialized into one or more professions. Weber suggests that the social structure of capitalism has created the expectation that we must embody our calling to the extent that it transforms our way of being. As the translators note on the change in language in this edition, "a shell has an organic quality and symbolizes something that has not just been externally imposed but that has become integral to human existence. Whereas a cage confines human agents but leaves their powers otherwise intact, a shell suggests that modern capitalism has created a new kind of being" (lxxi).

. . . And then, on to Crotty, and Giordano & Boscoboinik (who not only edited a volume on anthropological understandings of risk, but also coauthored a paper on Romani identity in Bulgaria, weirdly and coincidentally enough), and from there to Tom Wengraf to talk about BNIM. A few more linkages, a conclusion, and the integration of the material I have that I want to use from my interview and my colleagues' written memos, and maybe a word or two about Nagarjuna, and I'll be done. From start to finish is so easy. It's just getting to the starting line that could possibly kill me . . . .

Well, anyway, for now it's time for a bath and bed. What'll it be tonight, hmm? Lavender and orange again? Maybe some chamomile? Oh, I love aromatherapy. Liles, I can never thank you enough for introducing me to the practice.