Thank goodness for the little successes

Today's successes:

1. I submitted my portfolio for Qualitative Methods. Finally. What a relief!

2. I contacted the IRB (Institutional Review Board, who oversees any scientific research with human subjects, which weirdly enough includes sociology, anthropology, and social work, but not history or journalism), which I'd been dreading, putting off, and otherwise freaking out about for three months, and submitted the remainder of what I needed to so that I could return to data analysis for my research internship with their approval. PHEW! So, I'll be able work on that paper I mentioned last night, even if it means going back to interviews from the summer of 2006, without fearing reprisal from them.

3. I rescheduled with the prof I was stressing about, and will meet her on Monday, when I will have had enough time to think lucidly and write something substantial for her. In fact, I've been in touch with all the people in supervisory roles with me in the past few days, and am in good standing with all of them. I'm on target to get everything finished for my MSW but my research internship by the end of this semester, I think, and will have all my incompletes from Social Work off my back finally.

4. I've arranged to have the next several days free, which means a big solid block of time to work on papers, whether at home or at the library. Which is, after all, pretty much the only way I can write properly. Running from teaching to office hours to exam writing to my internship to a meeting, and having 5 papers I'm working on at once, I don't have my head screwed on straight enough to sit down and write quality work. I'm down to three papers I'm working on now, one of which is a program evaluation for AFG, and one of which I've already got a clear, focused idea about (the one I mentioned last night). So now I just need to figure out what I'm writing for this "Parenthood, Childhood, and the State" course I am pursuing with Dr. Sarri. And I have the weekend to think about it. Phew.

Grad school highs and lows

The good news: I have finally, after more than a year and a half of delay, finished my two final papers for Qualitative Methods. I have my portfolio all ready to submit, and will do so tomorrow. It's not perfect, but it's done. And that is something. And actually, I do really like one of the papers, and my colleague I wrote about seemed to, also. That's also something.

The other good news: I have a paper idea for my Democracy course (also for finishing out a long-incomplete class) that my other professor likes, that she thinks will work well with the course materials, and that I know will also help me tremendously in kick-starting my work on my research internship, which I have to finish next semester. I'm going to examine ideas of participation embedded in housing programs for Roma in Central Europe, considering cultural assumptions about Roma implied in the policies and implementation, and reflecting on connections to rhetoric of the deserving and undeserving poor in American social welfare history. There's really a there there, and I'm excited about it, I have the field data to support this line of analysis, and I'm looking forward to thinking about it.

The bad news: I'm supposed to have submitted work to the professor with whom I'm doing an independent study, today, in preparation for our meeting tomorrow. I have nothing done. I've been teaching, writing and helping prepare the final exam for the Anthro 101 students, writing for other courses (see above!), and commuting to and working in Detroit to finish out my field placement at AFG. Really, that's about all I've been doing except writing in my blog and taking photographs. I've had the occasional Gilmore Girls break to keep myself vaguely sane, but then gone back to writing. And obviously I've taken care of the minimal daily requirements of sleeping, eating, maintaining the minimal level of hygiene, and filling up my grocery cart and my gas tank. Seriously, that's really it. But, it doesn't change the cold stark fact that the work isn't done. Fuck. What do I do?

What I want to do is delay our meeting yet another few days and bust my ass reading and writing this weekend. But I fear I've lost my credibility now. Argh!!! Why is this so hard? And I'm so damned tired -- I only got back from our exam meeting in Ann Arbor at 11:00 last night. SIGH.

Update: I wrote to her asking for another damned extension and telling her about my revised schedule plan. I'm going to work work work tomorrow afternoon and Friday and the weekend and Monday, so that by the time Wednesday rolls around, I can hopefully have solid work done on my doctoral papers and can focus on my field placement. And then somewhere in there I'll fit in my grading for 101.

RIP, Hummer

Surely it was a sweet life in Zack's tender care, but I hope you've found a better place nonetheless.

Little Joys of Teaching

But I didn't tell you the best part about today . . .

I gave my students the end-of-semester evaluations, and thanked them for a lovely semester, and there was that awkward moment of my collecting my things to leave the room. And what did they do? . . . They applauded. :)

About the image above: My mother has been a wonderful elementary school teacher since I was in grade school. Although the level of writing and analysis of our students is obviously different, sometimes I think there isn't actually much difference between our work as educators! Mom has always brought home lots of gifts from her students at the end of every school year, and a Sandra Boynton mug with this picture is one I have drunk coffee out of many times in her kitchen. :) It seems apt for my circumstances now, although to update it for the modern classroom, we'd need to put a cell phone in the paws of the dancing ADHD kitten on the desk, and an iPod earbud in the turkey's ear and a laptop with YouTube showing the latest viral videos on the desktop in front of the lamb.

another snowfall . . .

But all we can confess of what we are
Has in it the defeat of isolation--
If not our own, then someone's, anyway.
-- Adrienne Rich, Stepping Backward

I am overwhelmed sometimes by the beauty of the world around me.

And there are days, like today, when I am reminded of the meaning and purpose of my presence here. And these times, I feel so very much gratitude for everything and everyone that has contributed to my being right here, right now, in this moment, in this space. Even this landscape that I discover anew each day, so brand new to me, is one I see with lenses thick with memories, and everyone I have ever known is somehow here with me in this vision of the world, even as I experience isolation . . .

and it retreats again

The Band - The Weight from The Last Waltz (1978)

This beautiful rendering of The Weight by the Band got my attention thanks to a friend thrice removed.

Oh, and I want further to investigate Danish folk-metal. Don't let me forget that.

Boo hoo, I want to be sleeping, but my tummy is hurting. I forgot to take my medicine this morning so I didn't get it until evening and am wondering if that could be the culprit -- or if it's something I ate. Hopefully the bicarbonate of soda & ginger/chamomile/mint tea will kick in soon and allow me to return to bed.

I still owe you an email, dear Marcell . . .